Darkness and Light

This is just something I wrote back in 2009 that I just found. Just posting it here to share and as a holding place. Enjoy. 



Darkness builds like a giant wave gaining strength before it crashes across my mind. Pulling, dragging me from where I want to be, deeper into darkness. I say HIS name, just barely a whisper through the howling wind. HE is my comfort, my hope, light in the darkness of this day.

I think my memories are a form of torture I use against myself in the dark lonely hours of the night. At least HE is always awake to keep me company on this night.

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Sleep comes and goes, the day is... blank. No pain and no joy... empty, drained.
HE is waiting... always waiting.
HE is the light of dawn.
Emptiness now covers like a fog, hiding everything just past it's veil. Hiding HIM.
I should look for HIM, HE is never far. In the light, in the darkness, in the fog, HE is there. Waiting to take my hand and pull me close to Him. Waiting to guild me through the fog... waiting. Do I look for HIM? The fog thickens with a hypnotizing numbness. My eyes can not see through this fog to find HIM. HE whispers to me in that still small voice I've heard before and comfort washes over me. The trance is broken and for a moment and I see the form of someone in the fog. I'm not alone. I peer into the haze straining to see past this veil that blinds me. I step blindly, I try and I try, if I can just...
I stop... lost. 
In this emptiness I slowly reach out my hand... and HE is there. HE was waiting. HE pulls me close and I hear HIS voice again, clear and strong. HIS light cuts through the haze that I walked into once again. Quiet healing peace surrounds me. I breath deep HIS embrace and I snuggle close on the lap of my FATHER. I am safe.

The Cost of Silence

     I feel that listening to inner promptings is an important aspect of communication. How important it can be to follow inner promptings to seek others out. How will others know you care or are thinking of them if you don't let them know. I feel that often when someone crosses your mind there is a reason. You don't know if they might be going through something or are feeling alone and could use a friend. Or if that one small gesture of a "Hi" might open them up to come to you at a later time when they need it most. They might not be at a point where they feel comfortable responding, but knowing that there is someone out there that cares can mean the world.
     There is a huge cost of silence that I don't think people pay much attention to. I know how easy it can be to think of people, hope they are doing well, pray for them and leave it at that. We don't want to interrupt their lives, or have our outreach be rejected, or we just don't know what to say, so we say nothing. But silence can be damaging.  Even just a quick "hi" or "thinking of you" can mean the so much.
     I had bits and pieces of  the poem that follows running through my head one night so I felt the need to get it out of my head and post it. I don't believe it is peoples intentions but its the feelings I have experienced from my specific situation.

      

The Cost of Silence

Do you know the cost of silence? How it ripples through a soul? Comes across as judgment or abandonment untold. Friendships and acquaintances crumbled with a breeze? Years of cherished fellowship fall with apparent ease?

The teachings as I understood were never followed through. Tax collectors and unsaved were treated with contempt. But what of love and witnessing or a little bit of grace? It wasn't seen, it wasn’t done, it hardly shown its face.

Numbers counted on one hand the lives that shown His love. But fear and shame held the few away, unable to explain. A trust was broke, a vow just words, a covenant was raped. Of loneliness, abandonment, hurt, fear and untold pain.

The cost of silence so much greater than most will ever sence. My choice alone, decisions made, I pay the consequence.

Just something to think about. The impact and influence you can have on someones life. Who has crossed your mind recently?

My Birthday Fun

      I have wanted to post again for a while now. I started one but it has been taking awhile for me to work out what I want to say. So it sits and waits patiently as I add a little too it here and there.

      Also for the past week my allergies have been freaking out. I have been trying to stop the inevitable. When my allergies freak I usually end up getting sick. Pneumonia or Bronchitis are my old faithful’s and they try to show up about once a year. Though I was lucky they stayed away the past 2 years. 

      Soooo,

      My boyfriend surprised me wonderfully for my birthday this weekend!

      He scheduled a haircut and makeup session. I went short and had highlights put in. It is super different and fun for the summer.  

      We had diner at my favorite pizza place with my family. 

      A dozen roses! (I have never had a dozen roses before) and some other flowers. 

     Then we went for karaoke afterward with my BF, cousin and hubby. 

      By the end of the night I had basically lost my voice. By the time we got home the coughing had begun. The BF told me that I would not be getting a birthday kiss because I had gone viral. :( But that he would hold and snuggle with me all I wanted. :)  I took some medicine and was soon out for the night.

      And then I woke up to breakfast in bed this morning! It was fantastic! I had bacon and cheese omelet,  bacon, ham, and a crumpet with cinnamon butter. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day awake for a little bit coughing until I would fall asleep only to wake up in time to take some more medicine and do it all again. 

      Really I'm not even sure what I'm writing right now. It just feels like I'm randomly hitting keys and I'm lucky that it is actually forming words.  I am going to try to make posting a regular habit. My goal is to post once a week, now lets’ see if I can make that goal. 

      Oh, and by the way, my birthday is not until Tuesday.

Its Only Skin Deep

     I have wanted a tattoo ever since I was little. I always thought that there was 
something so intriguing about them. Or at least about the ones I liked. Though they might have a significant meaning to the individual who has it, some tattoos come across as just another tattoo.
     Growing up I was taught that you don’t get a tattoo. That it’s wrong. At one point a few years ago when I was out to lunch with my mom, the topic of tattoos briefly came up. My mom stated that "If you ever get a tattoo, I will disown you." I thought that was a very strong stand against tattoos. She is my mother, I love her very much, that is her belief on the topic, and it doesn’t sway me one way or the other. I am going to get a tattoo, but only one.
     I was told once that every time a certain famous singer (I don’t remember who) wants to get a tattoo he pics the design and then waits a year to make sure he really does want another one or that he really does want that design. I thought that was very good advice especially since this is a very permanent accessory to attach to you. So I figured my first step should be to figure out what I want. I have drawn my own a few times and I have liked them but there was something missing.
     Also figuring out where on my body I wanted it seemed like an important thing to know also. My own personal preference is that it should be as discreet as possible for maintaining a position in the business world, i.e. easily covered by most clothing. Though the foot or ankle is fine; and the wrist area works as long as it is not obnoxious. It’s also a private thing for me so the location is important. Now these are my own preferences and thoughts, what others do or like are fine for them.
     Very rarely do I wake up remembering any dreams I might have had, to the point that I feel like I don’t dream at night. So a few months ago when I woke up and could remember bits and pieces from a dream that night I was excited especially since it was of me and my tattoo. I dreamt the location and what it was! But when I went to try and figure out exactly what it was all I got were impressions and ideas. And that started me on my hunt to figure out my tattoo. I knew a few of the elements that were in it but I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it, until last night that is!
     I have spent weeks looking through pics online of tattoos or drawings that had pieces in it that I liked. I have saved so many pics to my computer and probably accidentally texting a few to the poor guy from my previous post. Slowly I found the right pic for each part of my tattoo. I am so excited! Now my next step is to have a friend draw the tattoo and then find an artist, someplace in town, who can replicate the drawing onto me.
     Finding the artist is probably the most nerve wracking part for me. They are the one that will make this permanent and I don’t want it messed up since I will have to live with this forever. I’m also a little nervous about the actual tattooing process because, I might think I have a decent pain tolerance, I’m pretty sure this is going to hurt. After that comes saving for it. Since it is not a priority in my list of bills it will be a few more moths. But I think it will be well worth the wait.

So, does anyone have tips for me getting my first and only tattoo? Or, recommendations of artists to check out in the Des Moines area?